I say Tomato, you say Tomahto

I found the first red tomato in our garden today!  It was quite the find.  After all, when you work so hard for something and finally see results, the joy overflows.

There was something unique about my first tomato. It reminded me of myself.

You see, it wasn't quite what I had pictured.  It was small.  It had markings of imperfections.  It was slightly dirty.  I could tell it had 'weathered' the test of time.

But, it was my first tomato.

This tomato had quite the journey to get to my mouth:

• It started as a small seed.  I planted it indoors in late March/early April.  I then transplanted it into the garden in June.  Still it was just a small two inch plant.  
• It withstood the floods of June.  
• It grew, even though weeds tried to entangle it.  
• We then worked so hard to mulch the garden and suffocate the weeds.  I found myself being so protective of my little plants.  They were so cute as they grew!

So, finally today, September 5, 2014, I picked my first tomato.

And while, this tomato wasn't perfect, neither am I!

It was still worth the journey - floods, weeds, mulching, dirt and all!

And in the end it was sweet and felt like a long awaited gift to me :)

Can you relate?

Finding Joy: Part 2

“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

where?

down in my heart

where?

down in my heart

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

where?

down in my heart to stay

And I’m so happy, so very happy

I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart

and I’m so happy, so very happy

I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart”

Do you know that childhood song?  I've got the joy

In my small accountability group this morning, we found ourselves singing this song.  Not because we felt joy, but because we desire it.

Its easy to feel joy when life is going exactly as we want.  Exactly as we had hoped.  

But lets be honest, when does life go EXACTLY as we want

or EXACTLY as we had hoped!?

After almost a year now of trying to have a baby, I haven’t always felt the joy of the Lord.  I get easily angered when people ask when we are going to have a baby.  I feel sarcastic comments come to mind and find myself biting my tongue.  I've gotten mad at God more this year, than I can remember in my life!  Frustrated that He doesn't hear me.  Or feeling like He is playing a game with me and withholding this good gift from me because of something I've done wrong.  (I know these are lies, just bear with me)

I've evaluated my body more than ever!  I've controlled things that Mike was previously doing ‘just in case’ they were affecting our fertility.  I've done so much reading and analyzing about things in order to try to get pregnant.  

My expectations of what I want, have overshadowed the hope and joy I already(!!) have in Christ.  

The last few months have also been a whirlwind for our immediate family.  Mike’s family (dad) has been going through many trials of pastoring and shepherding a church.  In June, we found out my sister Betsy, who just had a baby in January, had a brain tumor.  After lots of testing and months of wondering, she underwent brain surgery in July.

I've seen my sister and Mike’s dad rise up to fight these trials.  I've seen strength, trust and faith soar through them!  I've been humbled by their situations, wondering if I would deal with these testings as they have.  

I’ve asked the question, ‘where is hope found in the midst of all these trials, hurts and pains?’  

This week two separate people have read 1 Peter 1 to me!  I felt the need to share.  After all, I desire to be authentic about where my heart has been and where it hopes(!!) to be!  May these words bring you hope and joy, as they've done for me.

(Verse 3-9--emphasis by me)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

(Verse 13)

Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.

This Scripture is FILLED with the hope that we can find in spending eternity with Jesus and the joy that fills our souls as we believe in Him through our trials.  

A reminder that our hope is NOT the situation we find ourselves in.  

Our joy is NOT what people do or don’t say about us.

At its deepest level…

Our hope and joy are purely. found. in. Christ.

As I attempt to wrap my brain around this, it brings me back to the song.  

Perhaps the song of my heart sounds more like this:

I pray for joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

where?

down in my heart!

where?

down in my heart!

I pray for joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

down in my heart to stay

And I’m so thankful, so very thankful

I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart

and I’m so thankful, so very thankful

I’ve got the love Jesus in my heart!

Desert Joy

I sat there in the middle of the desert.  Our second anniversary was not going as planned. From the 24 hour plane delays- to missing our RV pick up time- to Google taking us out to the middle of no-where, my expectations and frustrations had hit the roof!

As I sat there irritated and attempting to pray, what I didn't know was that all of our engine oil was leaking out of our RV. We would soon find out that the rock we hit on our 'off-road' boon-docking excursion would cause us more setbacks!  

Let me share why this moment was so perfect for me.

I started the year with a goal to be joyful and joy filled.  After all, as a follower of Christ, He gives us joy freely!  I had often found myself living into my negative thoughts and fear, so I was challenged to change a pattern of my past!

However...

January and February were especially rough months.  Not only was I not living into the joy of salvation in Jesus, but I was not practicing what I preached!  After several months of trying, praying and begging God to get pregnant, my insides felt ‘crumbly,’ ‘thorny,’ ‘weary,’ and ‘dry.’   I had struggled to find joy in the midst of my pain and barrenness.  I questioned if the Lord even heard me when I prayed.  I was bitter at those who were getting pregnant so easily.  It was hard to go to work and church, only to be surrounded with babies and families.  I felt flames of anger sore through my body every time I heard, “When are you and Mike going to have a baby?” or the straight up “Are you pregnant” or the accusation “I bet you're pregnant and just not saying.”

The Lord could not have brought me to a better place to physically SEE what was happening in me, than the middle of a desert!

And as I sat there praying, hoping and begging for the Lord to be near, He delivered.  I heard a whisper, “Heidi, look up...look out.”

Beautiful mountains surrounded me!

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Psalm 121:1-2

The Lord gave me a picture of His faithfulness.  He was doing something beautiful around my desert(ed) time.  I felt a promise that this time of emptiness (physically and emotionally) was being used for His glory.  A reminder that He heard me.  

What I did NOT hear was that I would get out of the desert quickly.  I did NOT hear God tell me that He was going to give me a baby.  I did NOT hear Him say that this journey of building a family would be free from pain and thorns.

BUT, I got to physically see a taste of His beauty, provision and faithfulness.  

James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

By the way, we eventually got pulled out of the desert.  We had a few more set-backs (!!) but eventually made it to Joshua Tree National Park where we spent an afternoon before heading to the airport the next morning!

Joshua Trees

Sunset overlooking San Andreas Fault

After weeks of reflecting on our adventurous and trialing anniversary trip, I've been able to share our story with much JOY and laughter!  I still have my down days, but the Lord always seems to come through, reminds me of this moment and picks me up.

I don’t share these thoughts for “I’m sorry’s” or advice/suggestions. I share this for others who may be or have been in the desert.  God is with you, friends!  Look up!  Look out!  He is using your dry time for good.

6 things I love about him...

Mike and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary last night (9/3/12) after I got home from work.  Mike had dinner ready and a glass of wine poured.   We shared stories of events and things we've shared and learned through the last 6 months of marriage!  It’s been a challenging, rewarding, adventurous 6 months of marriage, and I cannot wait for more J

6 things I love about my husband on our 6 month anniversary!

6.  His burgers and kabobs.  He’s making it hard for me to go out to eat for a burger…I would much rather eat his home made, grilled burgers.  Yum!

5.  Our date nights.  Since we were married, we’ve made a commitment to keep our relationship first and have found having a date night each week is helpful to keep us connected and doing things together.  Just to name a few:  biking to Lake Alvin, eating Jimmy Johns, while watching the sunset (picture below); picnicking at the Falls then walking downtown to listen to jazz music; eating Juice Stop (ok, we do this often, but hey! It's sooo good); walking around our neighborhoods and watching the sunset (we’ve already lived in 2 since we’ve been married!);  making dinner together then giving each other back massages.  It’s really more about the company than what we do!

4.  The way he makes me smile J  I think it’s his goal each day to make me crack a smile, even if I’m not ‘feeling it’.  He’s done well, as I cannot think of a day that has gone by that I didn’t smile at least once.  He is such a good encourager for me.  Always reminding me that I am beautiful and how he wouldn’t change a thing about how God created me.  That always helps me on those days I look in the mirror and pick at this or that.  Or on those days I feel down and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.   I turn around and there is my husband, doing or saying something goofy to make me crack J

3. His touch.  His hugs pull me in with strength and tell me in themselves that I am loved.  Even while we sit in the car or in church, he’ll often have his hand on my knee.  It’s enough to say “I love you” J

2.  His inquisitive mind.  My husband is always learning or intrigued about something.  I’ve learned so much over the past 6 months.  I don’t think I would have even thought twice about the lunar or Venus eclipse or the fact that a woman just received a robotic eye!  I love Mike’s mind.   If I ever wonder about something, I just need to go to him.  Either he knows the answer and shares it readily, makes up an answer that satisfies me or searches on his smart phone for the answer.  I have my own encyclopedia living with me!

1. Mike’s commitment to Christ.  We both believe that Jesus MUST be the center of our marriage.  All of our disagreements have ended in a surrendering prayer.  With Mike’s eyes on the Lord it makes it easy for me to follow Him.  I am sometimes brought to tears by his kindness and love.  He truly desires to make the most of the life the Lord has given him while he is here on earth and it brings deep joy within me to share in this adventure with him.  

40 days of marriage...

We have officially been married 40 days!
"40 days" is a pretty significant number in the Bible, so it got me thinking this morning about what it means.
In Matthew, Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days. He had no food or water. He resisted the devil and his temptations in the midst of hunger/thirst.
In Exodus, Moses received instruction from the Lord on Mount Sinai for 40 days and 40 nights. He came down from the mountain with a radiant glow.
For 40 days after Jesus' death and resurrection, he showed himself to his chosen apostles to teach them about the kingdom of God and to continue to reveal to them that he is alive!

I think of each of these instances and what the Lord has spoken to me over the past 40 days of marriage.

1. Jesus had to stay connected with the Father during his 40 days in the desert in order to resist temptation. I'm sure it was no easy task for him. It was work: work of the spirit, work of the mind, work of his emotions. In the same way, I've learned that marriage is work. There is still temptation to resist. Temptation over past sin, temptation to want to please myself more than my husband. It is work of my heart, mind and spirit to put my husband and God before myself. In the midst of the temptations though, the Lord has taught me what a wonder gift it is to have a husband walking beside me who prays for me and loves me unconditionally. A gift, indeed.

2. Just as Moses received instruction from the Lord, I feel that the Lord has used these past 40 days to build me up as a woman of God! I have learned a whole new side of God through marriage! Men do not think like women. Nor should we expect them too! But it's easy in my selfishness to want Mike to be just like me--to think as I think, and to think ahead of me so he can meet all my needs! haha. BUT, this isn't reality. And reality is this: God has blessed me with a husband that teaches me new things all the time, one who gives up things that he wants to do to spend time with me, one who reads and prays with me each night, one who calls me beautiful and desires to put God first in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy for us--false expectations and bad communication have gotten in the way a time or two--but when we come back to God's Word and instruction, we are reminded that love isn't about ourselves. It's about God and others.

3. Just as Jesus revealed himself to his apostles for 40 days, the Lord has continued to reveal himself to me over these past 40 days of marriage. I've been reminded time and time again that my joy/happiness/completeness CANNOT come from Mike alone. The first week after our honeymoon, I was pretty down. It felt as though my whole world had been flipped around. I was now living in a new house, in a new town, boxes every where, I was now living with a boy, sleeping with a boy, I had the weight of the world on my shoulders telling me that I needed to do certain 'wifey' things in order to measure up to being a good wife. I was spending so much time and energy thinking about all these things, that I also allowed my time with God to slip. What I learned though through this is: A. I need time to adjust after change! and B. God MUST come first over my husband and over my own desires. If he isn't first I get exhausted trying to carry the weight of the world on my own shoulders.

And just like Moses, who came down the mountain with a radiant glow after spending 40 days and 40 nights with the Lord, I'd have to say that Mike and I are glowing! Marriage is hard work, but it is also so rewarding when you put time into making it something great!

I've only been married 40 days, but I will leave you with this advice:
1. spend time with the Lord each day--lifting up your spouse/marriage in prayer.
2. put the other person first, without expecting anything in return. And remember, they are human and may not notice, but God does and he says "well done, my good and faithful servant."
3. spend time together with your spouse reading God's Word and praying together.
4. have a date night each week that makes you focus on your relationship. You may laugh and say you don't have time. But I promise you, if you make it a priority, it'll help your marriage.

Twas the night before my wedding...

I was going to try to be creative and put my thoughts to a poem, but there are just so many emotions and crazy feelings going on inside of me, I've lost words to write!
Here are just a few of my thoughts when I think about marrying Mike tomorrow...

Happiness that God brought us (back) together!
Excitement for our journey to come!
Interested in how the whole day will pan out.
Dinner and dancing with our closest family and friends!
Inspired by the man I love :)

Anxious to walk down the aisle towards my groom!
Not knowing where my honeymoon will be!!
Done planning, just time to celebrate :)

Magical moments to come...
In a dream. But I really don't want to wake up!
Courage, well, I am marrying Mike Vetter after all!
Help from family and friends have made this all possible! Thank YOU!
Alot of people love us.
Eager to wake up! I guess I first need to go to sleep ;)
Love. Knowing it will be God's love and grace that will hold us together.

Engagement 10/28/11

First of all, I'm engaged!! Whoohoo! I have an amazing fiance and am so blessed :) The engagement was incredible, but I'm looking forward to marriage. I cannot wait to marry my best friend and the man my soul longs to be with. Its an amazing feeling. I remember not too long ago (actually only 6 months ago) when I was single, asking God who my husband was going to be and what God's plans were for me for the next year! All the patience and obedience has paid off. All my praise goes to the Lord for the work he has done in Mike and I to bring us to this point of engagement.

On to the engagement story...

So for the past month I've been antsy. I was trying to be patient, but hey, I'm a girl and I dream and I wonder...so yes, almost every time Mike and I hung out one on one, I wondered if "this is the night he's going to propose?!"

So Friday night I had wonders if he would propose, but didn't want to get my hopes up too high. He had told me about a week and a half ago that he wanted to carve pumpkins. I started thinking about him proposing by carving out "will you marry me?" in a pumpkin. HEY, remember now, I'm a girl...AND we met 4 years ago (possibly to the day) at a pumpkin carving party. So the wheels in my head were turning.
BUT, like I said, I went into the night thinking, "Heidi, just have fun and relax."
So, Mike picked me up at 6pm. He said how hungry he was and asked if I wanted Jimmy John's. Our favorite place to eat :) At Jimmy John's he said, "How about we take it to my place? It's loud in here anyways." As we were driving away I said, "Oh, where are we going to get the pumpkins from?" And he quickly replied that he had already gotten them for us. HMMM...my wheels really got going.
On the way to Mike's house he suggested that we get Juice Stop. Another favorite of ours. So we took our Jimmy John's and Juice Stop and headed to Mike's house to eat. When we got there, we noticed an amazing sunset...we both REALLY love watching the sunset together :)

We then ate dinner and then Mike suggested that we carve our pumpkins. I was thinking, "oh boy, here it goes!" We decided to not show one another what we were carving until the very end. We baked some pumpkin seeds while carving, then showed each other our pumpkins. "One, two, three, go!" Haha. Mike carved a funny face, while I carved a romantic Eye Heart U. No proposal here.

Mike then suggested we go on a walk. We love taking walks together. We usually go right outside of his apartment. As we got outside, I turned to go to the bike trail and Mike said, "Actually, lets drive somewhere to go for a walk. Does that sound fun? You know me, and I like to be adventurous!" I was a little confused but decided it was better to just go with the flow. In the car I asked which park we should go to. Mike quickly responded with "How about the Big Sioux Rec Area out in Brandon?! How about we climb the hill to lookout over Brandon?!" One of our favorite parks :)
As we arrived at the park, we realized that we needed many layers of clothing and a flashlight to find the trails. It was quite the adventure finding the trails, but the stars were out and it was actually a really beautiful night...just a bit cold! As we started approaching the hill, I looked ahead. I figured if he was going to propose that there would be candles or something lit up. When I didn't see anything, I tried to put to rest my hopes of becoming a fiance Friday night. We got to the top and stood there looking out over Brandon. Suddenly Mike stated, "I'm hot. I'm going to go take off my jacket." I was a little confused as it was only 40 degrees out, but didn't ask questions. He went over behind a bench and bent over.

All of a sudden I was surrounded by Christmas lights lit up!!

Mike had bent over to plug them into the car battery he had hauled up there earlier that day!

I yelled out, "OH MY! Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness! Is this really happening? Am I dreaming? The lights are beautiful!" I jabbered on for a while as Mike pulled me to the center of the lights and got down on his knee. I couldn't believe this was ACTUALLY happening!

He then said some things about God's plan for our lives and how he brought us back together. I was so giddy and looking all around and laughing. Finally he grabbed my hands and said, "Heidi! Focus!" I was like, "OH OK!" And he said, "Heidi, I love you! Will you marry me?" I responded quickly with, "I WILL! YES! Of course! FINALLY!!" We then enjoyed the moment in each others arms. I went over to one of the Christmas lights to take a peak at what my ring looked like!

We grabbed some pictures and Mike gave me a dozen red roses :) Roses...another love of mine.

At the end, Mike said, "Ok, this is the not so romantic part! We have to clean all this up!" Needless to say, Mike cleaned up while I stood there smelling the roses and looking at my ring under the flashlight.

As we made our way back down the hill, and arrived at the car, Mike's friend was there switching out the cars. I must rewind for a moment. Way back in April 2009, Mike took me out in his old Camero on our first date. While we were eating at a restaurant one of his friends came to switch out the cars. SO, it was only fitting that our first ride as an engaged couple was in his old Camero :)

SO, there ya have it! He did an amazing job and gave me a more beautiful ring than I could have dreamt of. More than that, I am so blessed to be engaged to the man that I love and will call my husband soon!