Matthew 17: 20 "He replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I've often heard that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed that God can use you. I've never really understood exactly what was meant by that. I've even made prayers before, such as "Hey God, I pray that you would move that mountain right before my eyes"...and after waiting, and not seeing anything I figured I didn't have enough faith. But the thoughts would continue to stir within me..."Heidi, your faith only has to be as small/big as a mustard seed. How hard could that be?!" I just figured it was hard...something I would always strive for and maybe never understand...maybe I just didn't have faith.
It was only a week ago that my lower back/tailbone started hurting when I sat down. It started as just a mild pain one day and as the week went on, I noticed the pain getting worse and worse. It mostly hurt when I would sit down in bed to read...I don't know if it was the position I was in or what. It got so bad that I could no longer sit in bed to read, I had to lay on one side or another. I even went as far as to google what it could be...a fractured tailbone, a herniated disc, some other long words/diagnosis that I didn't understand. Ugh. Seriously. I did not want to even think about what it could be, but the pain continued to intensify, so of course I started getting more concerned.
At the end of last week, I was listening to a prayer/prophetic conference online. Good speakers, amazing worship. It became a time of fasting and prayer for me. However, I didn't even think about my tailbone. I was just going to 'deal' with that issue. The thought didn't even cross my mind to fast and pray over the pain...I was just going to figure that out on my own...me and webmd.com ;)
In watching the conference online, I truly felt the Spirit of the Lord as I spent time in prayer and worship. I felt Him speaking to me specifically about a couple of my friends' marriages. He spoke so clearly that he has good things planned for them. I also was challenged to treasure my time with the Lord...much in the same way that I treasure my time with my friends and family.
On the first day of the conference I heard a speaker speak about Mark 9: 14-29. This is a story about a demon-possessed boy. His father asks the disciples to pray over the boy, but nothing happens. The father then asks Jesus, "But IF YOU CAN do anything, take pity on us and help us." Jesus replies, "IF YOU CAN?! Everything is possible for him who believes." and immediately the boy's father replies, "I DO believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" The demon is then cast out by Jesus. and when the disciples ask Jesus why they couldn't do it themselves, he replies "This kind can come out only by prayer."
As I heard this story, the part that stuck out to me was when the father stated, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." It became my prayer as I listened to the conference the next couple of days.
Even in all this learning though, I continued to writhe in pain with my tailbone...forgetting to pray about it...thinking I just needed to deal with it.
On Saturday when I woke up, the pain was the worse it had been. I still wanted to listen to the conference online, so I decided I would do so laying on my bed, on my belly. This way the pressure was off my lower back/tailbone. I honestly didn't get much from that speaker, but as that speaker spoke, I kept praying "Jesus, I believe in you. I so often stray so far from you. Please Lord, help me overcome my unbelief in you!" As I prayed that, I kind of chuckled to myself. "Oh Lord. You know I've had this pain in my tailbone and I haven't even prayed about it! Forgive me. Lord, if it be your will, I pray for healing over my tailbone RIGHT NOW. I pray that not because I deserve it, but because I know how big you are. Please Jesus, help me overcome my unbelief in you!" I kind of laughed, rolled over, and then sat up in bed.
What? Really? NO PAIN! I sat in bed bouncing on my butt..."Are you serious?!" NOOOO....it couldn't have happened that fast. I bounced some more...I sat back in weird positions that had previously hurt me so bad. "Really God?! Wow. Thanks." He had healed me on the spot.
Now, I tell you this story not because I want any credit in this...I think its obvious my doubt in that healing! I obviously didn't have the kind of reaction to healing that Mary had(a story I shared below about a woman who received healing in Haiti). She ran around praising God. I sat in disbelief that it actually happened to me. But what I gathered from this is that maybe faith as small as a mustard seed isn't such a far off reach. I think Jesus wouldn't give us a command just for kicks and giggles. Maybe he was serious.
"If you BELIEVE you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22
I sit here still in awe that I'm sitting period...pain free. But in all of this, I'm just continually reminded how much He loves us. He just asks that we come to him in prayer...spending time with Him...BELIEVING in Him with our whole hearts. He wants good things for his children. If you haven't heard it today, or yesterday, or ever! for that matter, Jesus loves you. And He delights in you. And desires to spend time with you today :)