I turned around to stare at her from my chair. My sweet baby girl, 15 weeks, sleeping so peacefully in her swing. I had just finished my devotional for the morning. A call to be ready to give God glory in all circumstances. In all suffering.
What I cannot fathom though is how God sent His SON Jesus, knowing He would suffer a tormenting death. For me.
I sat there. Staring at her. My little girl. So perfect. So gentle. So innocent.
How did God do it?
I knew God was asking me, "Heidi, will you do the same? Will you give your daughter over to me to be used for MY glory? What if it means she will become ill? What if it means she will be injured in some way? Will you still do it?"
My mind says NO! But when I read the Word, I know the truth.
"And the truth will set you free." John 8:32
I know that whatever the cost, I must be ready. Ready to surrender. Ready to walk in pain. Ready to give over my baby girl.
But honestly, today, I'm not ready. I want her to stay here with me. Safe in her swing. Fast asleep. No cares in the world. I want her to live in a world where she doesn't have to fear going to school and getting shot. Or face persecution. Or deal with unmet expectations. Or (fill in the blank).
But reality is, what I'm asking for is heaven.
We are not in heaven (yet).
But some day, I pray, my sweet baby girl will say "YES" to Jesus. "YES" to whatever He calls her to.
And her mommy will have to sit back and say, "Yes, Lord, she is yours."
I can only pray I'm ready.